“You look very nice, Mr. Anchises, as usual.” This was my urologist’s charming nurse, Ann Collins, last Tuesday at Memorial Sloan Kettering. Because she always compliments me on my appearance, I feel obliged to dress my best for her. And indeed on that day, I had chosen my clothes with particular care. I had selected a vivid blue Harris tweed sports jacket, a pair of flannel trousers (too expensive to be called pants), a very fine cotton buttoned-down shirt in a tiny blue check, and a light blue silk square to complement my darker blue polka dot bow tie. My shoes were my most elegant pair.
It’s said that clothes make the man, and as I walked into the waiting room I felt positively grand. After complimenting me, Ann ushered me into an examination room, where she was to remove my catheter. I had been wearing one for more than a week and I was eager to bid it farewell.
Carefully I hung up my tweed jacket with its light blue silk square, then my trousers. Off came my beautiful shirt, with its bow tie. Next I removed the shoe from my right foot along with two socks (an elastic sock to reduce swelling and a sports sock over it for warmth). I untied my left shoe and started to remove my first sock. It was wet! Had I stepped into a wet spot before putting on my shoe? The second sock was also soaked through.
I had never locked my catheter that morning. The urine that had been flowing into the bag attached to my leg had been dribbling out all morning through the spout tucked into my sock. In effect I had been peeing on myself. My catheter bag was now empty. I no longer felt positively grand.
Folks, if you never knew what “piss elegant” means, now you know.
2010-2012 Anchises-An Old Man's Journal All Rights Reserved
To laugh ruefully at yourself as you have done, Anchises, shows true wisdom. I wish I had it.
ReplyDeleteI myself was embarrassed to discover that the Torah portion I had been practicing for eight weeks still was not completely fixed in my mind, for while chanting it, I had to be prompted three times by the Rabbi. But instead of laughing at myself, and learning the lesson of humility, I became angry!
Oh, dear -- I've such a long way to go!