Pacemaker

Have you ever walked into a store intending to buy a handkerchief, say, and left, having replaced half your wardrobe, adding shirts, socks, belts, and a hat?  That’s the way I felt over the last weekend, after I entered the emergency room at Methodist Hospital in Park Slope.

My wife and I had been sitting in the front row during Shabbat evening services, when, towards the end of the service, I began to feel faint.  Sweating profusely and, I later learned, yawning repeatedly while my legs twitched, I felt wave after wave of faintness.  For years, I’d experienced episodes of fainting or near fainting, so this was nothing new, although it felt more severe.  The rabbi called for a doctor and a young man, a pediatrician, came and sat next to me.  I asked him if he also treats people in second childhood, but alas he does not.

Another member of the congregation offered to drive my wife and me to the emergency room of Methodist Hospital, a few blocks away; our young, charismatic rabbi helped me into the car, the doctor got in too, and when, in the emergency room, my heart rate was measured at 37 (normal is 72) I was admitted to the hospital.

Even I could see that I needed a pacemaker, which would speed up my heart rate.  It was, so to speak, the handkerchief I had come in to buy.  But during my four-night hospital stay, representatives of at least four medical departments, in addition to cardiology, came to examine me.  Vascular surgery: Was the stent that had been inserted in my subclavian artery to repair an aneurysm fifteen years ago deteriorating? (No) Was the blockage in that artery resulting in “subclavian steal,” in which blood is taken from the arteries that supply the brain? (No, but it would be nice to have an excuse.)  Urology: Was my bladder emptying completely when I voided? (Yes) Nephrology: What could be done about my third degree kidney disease?  (Nothing, but this was the first time I learned that the disease was that advanced.  There are only four stages.)   Hematology: What should be done about my anemia? (Nothing at this point) 

I may have missed another one or two specialists, but in the end nothing was done to me beyond implanting a pacemaker and adjusting my medications to bring down my extraordinarily high blood pressure (236/95), which had shot up from my normal 120 – 140/ 70 - 80.  I was probably nervous although I felt very calm.

I have nothing but praise for the medical and supporting staffs at Methodist Hospital.  What discomforted me was the reminder of how many things are wrong with me. When a medical student dissects my corpse, he or she will find evidence of ailments that would fill half a medical encyclopedia.  Before that happens, though, I’ll do my best to emulate the bee, who doesn’t know that his wings are too short for flight.  If I dwell on all that’s wrong with me, I might stop in my tracks.  In the meantime, my pacemaker will have to be replaced in seven or eight years.  My aim is to see that day.


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