Lashon Hara

Every now and then I have the somewhat scary privilege of presenting, to our minyan, a short commentary on the Torah portion that has just been read.  It’s scary because I know so little.  Still, preparing these commentaries is a great way to learn, and our minyan is extraordinarily encouraging to and tolerant of beginners.  What follows is not the commentary I gave last week but rather reflections based on it.

In my commentary on last week’s portion, B’haalot’cha, I focused on the notion of lashon hara, literally evil speech.  The term is found nowhere in the Torah.  It’s a rabbinic construction, whose chief example is the conversation between Miriam and Aaron which takes place in this portion.  They are bad-mouthing their brother Moses for having married a Cushite woman.  The underlying reason for their negative speech is their dissatisfaction with Moses’s status as the Israelites’ chief prophet.  Their speech enrages the Almighty who comes down in a pillar of smoke, castigates the pair, and strikes Miriam down with leprosy.   Moses intervenes, begging the Eternal to modify her punishment.   This the Almighty consents to do.  After one week her leprosy will vanish but in the meantime she has to leave the camp.

The rabbis define lashon hara as negative speech about a person or group that is true, not widely known, and not uttered for a constructive purpose.  If A tells B that C is stingy, and it’s true but not publicly known, and if A is not warning B about C in order to prevent a negative outcome, that’s lashon hara.  Some authorities forbid speech of any kind about a third party, even if it’s complimentary, on the grounds that it might lead to lashon hara..  If A tells B that D is generous, B might be lead to say yes, but D’s brother C is stingy.  Other authorities permit negative speech about a third party to a group of at least three persons, on the grounds that it will soon become common knowledge, since everyone has a friend.  But the rules that surround speaking to a group of three about a third person are so complicated that it’s safer not to speak negatively about anyone at all.  Consider what you need to know before you can criticize someone.  You have to be sure that what you’re saying is true and that it’s generally known.  But how can you be sure of either?

It’s curious that the classic example of lashon hara, Miriam and Aaron’s speech about Moses, does not fit the rabbis’ definition of lashon hara.   What Moses’s siblings said about his marrying a Cushite was both negative at that time and true, but the truth of what they were saying was widely known, which disqualifies it from being lashon hara.  And their complaints about Moses’s being the chief prophet did not rise to lashon hara either, for they made no claims as to his fitness for the role.

If everyone refrained from lashon hara, what would happen to conversation?  Would dinner parties be largely silent, arid affairs, the spice confined to the dishes consumed?   Yet according to the rabbis, lashon hara is a grievous sin, as bad as murder, adultery, and idolatry combined, any one of which will bar the sinner from the world to come.  If this is true, and if most of us are like me, few of us will enter the world to come.

I find it hard to avoid speaking lashon hara and even harder to avoid hearing it.  Our daughter taught us the following doggerel when she was studying at the Pardes Yeshiva in Jerusalem:  Lashon hara/lamed heh/go to hell the easy way/tell it to me anyway!  Which reminds me of the embroidered pillow which Alice Longworth Roosevelt is said to have placed on her drawing room sofa.  “If you don’t have anything nice to say about anyone, sit right next to me.”

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